Mated (1952)
aka Mismatched
aka I Want a Baby
Genre: Sex Education Movie
Country: USA | Director: Gordon Schindler
Language: English | Subtitles: None
Aspect ratio: 1.33:1 | Length: 75mn
Dvdrip H264 Mp4 – 640×512 – 23.976fps – 779mb

As a narrator helpfully explains the difference between male and female plumbing, we’re bombarded by such diverse stock shots as wedding chapels, a kangaroo, Wrigley Field, a muscleman posing in the park, women bitching about their sex lives and… oh yeah, pin-up style photos of guys and dolls displaying full pickles and beaver!!! Yes, full frontal nudity, which was used so sparingly in Because of Eve, runs utterly rampant here, which caused eyeballs to go popping out of their sockets back in 1952 and, of course, is shown here for educational purposes only…

We also get to wallow in anatomy charts, closeups of female nipples, drawings of “defective spermatozoa,” and a woman demonstrating a plastic vacuum-suction device on her titties which not only enlarges them but helps “reduce the possibility of contracting breast cancer.” Make a note of that.

See Big Bust nudie series starlet BUSTY BROWN actually nursing a baby!

There are also many vital True Sex Facts no adult can afford not to know, such as:

“It is notable that the apes, not withstanding their general hairiness, show no special development in pubic hair.” (Makes sense.)

Or that the female breasts “of the black race are more like udders than the western concept of a human breast.” (Yipes!)

Or that women with pubic hair extending up to the breasts “generally indicates a bisexual nature or even homosexuality.” (I knew it!)

The only flaw this doctor found in all of this was when the film described just three variants of the straight penis: the blunt-type, the bottle-type, and the prow-type. Where the hell’s my corkscrew-type?

Naturally, Mated ends with some good old-fashioned birth-of-a-baby footage (looking like it’s from the ’30s) which should dissuade every woman watching this from ever wanting to have a child. Directed, written, edited, photographed, and “supervised” by the brilliant GORDON SCHINDLER.


Mated (1952)